I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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