you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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