I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
