My friends, they love my intelligence
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Nobody cheats on THIS.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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