Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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