gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
