can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
