I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
