Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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