I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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