You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
