her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
dude. I can hear the air.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
