I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
