Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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