he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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