Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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