the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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