I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
