I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
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Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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