My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
