so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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