Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
