Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
