I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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