I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
