My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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