i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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