We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
