My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
