im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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