Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
