life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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