this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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