Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do vagina's smell?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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