My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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