this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
