my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Enjoy the penises
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
