There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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