I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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