Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
