After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
