There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
