i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
