oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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