I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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