Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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