I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
