so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
