we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
