I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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