i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
