I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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