At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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