Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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