I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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