and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
