I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
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I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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