I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
