I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
