Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
