oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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