it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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