Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
