Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
