his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
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I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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