She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
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"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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