dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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