I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
