So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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