I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
