I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
