You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
